Textíky - SEX - in English
Oral Sex - An Ode To Love
Penis breath, a lover's dread
Is what you get when you give head
Unpleasant as it tends to be
Be grateful that he doesn't pee
It's times like this, you wonder why
you bothered reaching for his fly
But it's too late, can't be a tease
Accept the facts, get on your knees
You know you've got a job to do
So open wide and shove it through
Lick the tip then take it all
Don't drag your teeth or he might bawl
Slide up and down, use your tongue
And feel the precum start to run
So when the fuck's he gonna cum
Just, when you can't take anymore
You hear your lover's mighty roar
And when he hits that real high note
You feel it oozing down your throat
Salty, fishy, sticky, stuff
Okay, already that's enough
Let's switch you say, before you gag
And what revenge, your on the rag.
Sexual etiquette - A lesson from women to men
- First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
- Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful.
- I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw,
it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face.
- Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow.
- My ears are NOT handles.
- Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of my
head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And
additionally, do you really WANT puke on your dick?
- .I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.
- Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer
week" - get it through your head - I'm bloated and I feel
like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow
you just because YOU can't have sex right now.
- Extension to #8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on
high school girls - if you're that desperate, go jerk off
and leave me alone with my Midol.
- If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth,
don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.
- .Leaving me in bed while you go play video games
immediately afterwards is highly unadvisable if you
would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.
- .If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to
speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the
moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also
rule #2 about gratitude.
- No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care
about the protein content.
- No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.
- When you hear your friends complain about how they
don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth
shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.
- Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not
mean I have to "kiss it good morning".
Penis - Salary Increase
I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
- I do physical labour.
- I work at great depths.
- I work head first.
- I do not get RDO's, weekends off or public holidays.
- I work in a damp environment.
- I don't get paid overtime or shift penalties.
- I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
- I work in high temperatures.
- My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Response from Human Resources:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments
you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reason:
- You do not work 8 hours straight.
- You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods.
- You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
- You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas.
- You take a lot of non-rostered breaks.
- You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
- You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
- You don't always observe OH&S measures, such as wearing the correct protective outfits.
- You don't wait till pension age before retiring.
- You don't like working double shifts.
- You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work.
- And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly
entering and leaving the work place carrying 2 suspicious looking bags!
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