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Textíky - SEX - in English

Oral Sex - An Ode To Love

Penis breath, a lover's dread
Is what you get when you give head
Unpleasant as it tends to be
Be grateful that he doesn't pee
It's times like this, you wonder why
you bothered reaching for his fly
But it's too late, can't be a tease
Accept the facts, get on your knees
You know you've got a job to do
So open wide and shove it through
Lick the tip then take it all
Don't drag your teeth or he might bawl
Slide up and down, use your tongue
And feel the precum start to run
So when the fuck's he gonna cum
Just, when you can't take anymore
You hear your lover's mighty roar
And when he hits that real high note
You feel it oozing down your throat
Salty, fishy, sticky, stuff
Okay, already that's enough
Let's switch you say, before you gag
And what revenge, your on the rag.

Začátek stránky

Sexual etiquette - A lesson from women to men

  1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
  2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful.
  3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face.
  4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow.
  5. My ears are NOT handles.
  6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT puke on your dick?
  7. .I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.
  8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it through your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right now.
  9. Extension to #8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls - if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.
  10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.
  11. .Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly unadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.
  12. .If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.
  13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content.
  14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.
  15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.
  16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning".

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Penis - Salary Increase

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

Response from Human Resources:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reason:

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